Learning to Love My Body and Be at Peace in My Own Skin

How do I maintain happiness within myself when I’m not comfortable in my skin? How do I get comfortable in my skin? What is making me uncomfortable? These are questions I’ve been grappling with recently, especially after a coffee date that made me question the way I see myself.

I don’t look like the thin, toned, and polished women I often see in Sunset Harbor, walking hand in hand with casually sophisticated men whom I find attractive. They seem to belong to a world that looks effortless and natural. Meanwhile, I find myself feeling out of place, constantly comparing.

But here’s the thing: I am an amazing woman.

Recently, I went on a coffee date with a man, and I sensed he was expecting something different from me. He lives about 40 minutes away but offered to meet me in my neighborhood. While he showed up dressed smart-casual, I had chosen a more laid-back, casual look, typical for my area. I expected an easy coffee meetup, and this is how I usually dress in my own neighborhood. Yet, I felt out of place. He was lean and tall, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that he had expected someone “smaller.” The whole time, I was hyper-aware of my body and outfit, and the thought that he would have preferred me to look different consumed me.

Why am I so obsessed with my weight? I’ve realized that I automatically assume how I look—whether I’m “big” or “small”—determines how someone else will feel about me. Yet, I don’t even know what this man prefers, and more importantly, I had already decided he wasn’t my type. There was no real comfort or familiarity that made me feel like I could be my authentic self around him. Was this lack of connection because I’m uncomfortable in my own skin? Or am I using this discomfort as an excuse to avoid confronting my deeper insecurities?

For as long as I can remember, I’ve never been fully happy with my body. Even when I was at my thinnest, I still felt “bigger” than the girls around me. I always felt like I was falling short, like my body was never enough. So, when am I ever going to find peace? How can I reach a place where I feel happy and comfortable with who I am in this very moment?

Suggestions for Exercises to Help You Get to a Happy, Thriving Place

After reflecting on this and researching ways to cultivate self-love and acceptance, I’ve found a few exercises that I’m starting to practice myself. I’d love to share them with you, and if you try them, let me know how it goes. Here are some suggestions for cultivating self-love and finding peace in your own skin:

1. Daily Affirmations of Self-Love
   Every morning, start your day by looking in the mirror and saying three things you love about your body and yourself. It could be as simple as “I love how strong my legs are” or “I love my smile.” Even if it feels awkward or forced at first, over time these positive affirmations will become internalized.

2. Body Gratitude Journaling
   At the end of each day, write down three things your body did for you. Maybe your legs carried you through a busy day, your arms embraced a friend, or your heart kept you going through a tough moment. When you focus on what your body does rather than how it looks, you can cultivate a deeper sense of appreciation for it.

3. Practice Mindful Eating
   Rather than focusing on strict rules or what you “should” eat, try mindful eating. Pay attention to your body’s hunger cues and eat slowly, savoring each bite. This practice helps you reconnect with your body and develop a healthier relationship with food.

4. Embodied Movement
   Explore forms of movement that bring you joy, rather than exercising solely to change your body. Whether it’s dancing, yoga, or taking a walk in nature, find movement that makes you feel connected to your body in a positive way.

5. Meditation on Body Acceptance
   Spend 5-10 minutes each day meditating on sending love and acceptance to different parts of your body. Visualize a warm, loving light surrounding you and embracing you as you are, without judgment or criticism.

6. Surround Yourself with Positive Body Influence
   Take a close look at the media and social media you consume. Are they filled with images that make you feel inadequate? Start curating a feed that celebrates body diversity, self-love, and authenticity. Follow people who empower you and remind you that all bodies are beautiful.

7. Challenge Negative Thoughts
   When you catch yourself criticizing your body, stop and ask, “Would I say this to a friend?” Then reframe the thought. For example, instead of saying, “I hate how I look today,” try, “I’m working on loving myself more each day.”

8. Seek Support
   Sometimes, it’s hard to break free from these internal battles on our own. Consider talking to a therapist or joining a support group that focuses on body acceptance. Sharing your journey with others who understand can make all the difference.

The journey to loving yourself and feeling comfortable in your skin isn’t straightforward or easy, but it’s one worth taking. It’s about learning to let go of society’s unrealistic standards and discovering what makes you feel alive and authentic. No matter how much weight you lose or how much you change your appearance, if the love isn’t coming from within, it will never be enough.

So let’s work on loving ourselves now, exactly as we are, in the bodies we have—because we are already more than enough.